Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
