I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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