i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
