Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
