eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
