coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
