Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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