a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
