I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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