I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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