Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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