Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
