Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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