I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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