shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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