Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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