I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
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