I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
