took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
