your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
fuck your aforementioned shoe
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
