Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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