he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
