Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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