I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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