If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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