been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He? As in you personified your dick?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
