Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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