We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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