Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
