high people should be assigned attendants
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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