Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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