false alarm. still invincible.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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