I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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