I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
