we have pet lesbian snakes
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
