it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
