nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
