This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
