I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
