I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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