I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
