im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
