do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
