I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
