i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
