I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
