I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
