oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
