I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
