I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
