I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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